You Could Be Happy
by BubblyScientist
Summary: Are sins ever truly forgiven? A year and a new heart later, can Zexion face his demons? Better yet, can he face Lexaus even after all he put him through? Angsty!Zexion LexZex Lexion Heavily Impiled AeleusIenzo
1. Failure

AN: AH. Yes, yet another story. haha. I will finish the others soon. Promise. I have some Zangeal stuff I wanna work on. XD Don't worry, I haven't abandoned VexDem. ^^ Who could? Its just LexZex needs so loving. :DDDD

Every chapter of this story has to do with a Emily Dickinson poem. (ahhhhh such angst. 3) Which means, that's it you guessed it! Angsty!Zexion! (plus a very Horny!Lexaus. XD)

* * *

**Chapter 1:  
Failure**

"It's been too long, Vexen."  
The once ice mage smiled at the schemer. "It has indeed." He stood up as the boy approached him. "Please have a seat."  
Zexion took his seat which had him across the scientist. He held on to the cup of tea the elder had given him. It was warm in between his hands. "I see you're doing well. Quite well in fact..."  
"Cut to the chase, Ienzo."  
Zexion jumped, unused to the man using his real name.  
"I know what you're really here for. Aeleus, isn't it?"

Zexion froze when he heard the name. It was a haunting reminder that it was he, who sent Lexaus to his death.  
It was odd at first, coming too in the ruins of Castle Oblivion.  
He remembered Riku stabbing him, killing him. He remembered the blood running down his chest. The way his vision faded. The soft face of the Silent Hero he saw before he was consumed by the darkness.  
Oblivious to why he was alive, he looked down at his teared coat.

Then, subconsciously, he placed his hand on his heart. Eyes widen, Zexion felt something he never thought was possible.

A heartbeat. A steady, rhymic beat in his chest. He almost cried!  
He felt a rush of joy, then it was gone as quickly as it came.  
He was alive and well.  
But Lexaus...

...was gone forever.

Or was he?

Zexion made it his mission to seek out the old members of the fallen Organization.  
In doing so, he found pretty much everyone but Vexen and Lexaus, the two he most wanted to see. He heard a rumor from Luxord that Vexen had taken up residency in Radiant Garden.  
He frowned upon hearing the name of his hometown. Of all the places Vexen could go...he choose the one place where this nightmare had begun?  
The name alone drew bad memories for the poor ex-illusionist.

"...is he here?"  
"Yes." Vexen sipped his tea, ignoring that the boy was practicality peeing his pants. "Lexaus is in the library, organizes books. Do you wish to see him?"  
"Oh...no. I mean yes...I mean..." Zexion shook his head. Why couldn't he make up his mind. "Not...not yet."  
"Very well then." Vexen peeked at him lazily from one opened eye. Demyx must of been rubbing off on him. That was a trait that did not belong to the chemist.  
Zexion looked down at his hands, he was gripping quite tightly on the tea cup. He sat it on the table, afraid if he held it any longer, he'd break it.  
His new heart beat wildly in his chest. This was one thing about having a heart, Zexion did not miss.  
"How...how is he?"  
"Well. He appeared in the lab shortly after I did. He was in very poor condition."** Stab.** "The man was near half dead even after being reborn." **Stab.**

Zexion looked down, ashamed.  
"Where...where did you say you found him?"  
"The lab."  
"In the Oblivion?"

Vexen narrowed his eyes. "No. Afraid not. The lab in which we originally lost our hearts in the first place." He sighed. "You noticed your heart, correct?"  
"Yes. When I awoke." Zexion laid his hand over his heart as if to shield it from the pain that surrounded in around him. He remembered the shame he felt when he realized his situation.  
"I've come to the conclusion," Vexen set down his cup on the table. "that we wake, after we have been killed by the Keyblader, in the place we feel most guilty in. You awoke in the Castle whilst Lexaus and I woke there..."

In all of Vexen's rambling, Zexion found himself thinking of his silent friend.  
Lexaus awoke in the lab...which meant he regretted losing his heart. Even, from Vexen's rant, felt bad about failing the experiment.  
Zexion knew why he was in the Castle.  
He felt horrible about Lexaus; having, more or less, sign his death warrant. How could he do that?  
Didn't he care for him?  
Love him even?

_I was a Nobody then, _he told himself. _I had _**no **_feelings...  
_

He was so submerged in his guilty conscious, Zexion didn't hear the elder talking to him.

"Zexion? Is something amiss?"  
The younger boy shook his head. "I...I'm just tired. Think nothing of it."  
The two stood up, awkwardly as if coping each others' moments.  
"Ah I see. " Vexen nodded. "It is indeed getting rather late. You may stay with me for tonight if you wish. That is if you don't mind dealing with Demyx..."  
Zexion managed a small smile at the thought of the mullet haired boy. "Thank you, Even."  
"You're most welcome, Ienzo."

The two shared a moment of silence. The ex-mentor and student could say so much without the hassle of words.  
Most would find it odd to just stare at each other. However, you could tell alot about a person by looking into their eyes. Eyes were, after all, the windows to the soul.

Zexion was the first to look away. His ex-mentor could always tell when something was wrong. It was like he's sixth sense.

"Ienzo..."  
"Please. I don't want to talk about it. I just want to go to bed."  
Vexen nodded. He started to head towards the door. He passed the boy and said; "Very well then. I will go start the car. Come."  
"Can you give me a moment?"  
Vexen closed his eyes and sighed. "Take your time, Ienzo. I'll be waiting."

Once the footsteps were but distance echos, Zexion bit his bottom lip and slammed his hand on the wall beside him. The tears stained his cheeks and he made small hiccups.  
He was glad Vexen hadn't stayed and seen him like this. Sorrow was something that ate away at a heart but anger made it feel better. It was hot and warm...then just like that you were cold and alone again.

Zexion found himself mumbling small apologies to no one.  
No...for Lexaus.

Zexion was, and always had been, prone to failure.


	2. Anguish Pay

AN: CHAPTER TWO~!^^ Aren't I amazing? Please say yes..? PLEASE?  
Haha. Enough of that now.  
Oh. For anyone who wants to know. There is a soundtrack to this story. If you want to know the songs, please just PM me. Or Review whichever.  
XD  
So we left off with Zexy being emoish...now we get to meet Dem-Dem. ^^ (---fave part)  
No Lexaus yet. Sorry. However there is an "ghost-like" Lexaus. (GASPTH)

* * *

**Chapter Two:  
Anguish Pay**

"ZEXY~!"  
Upon arrival to Vexen's home, Zexion was attacked with a killer hug. He hadn't even time to step into the door!  
And who may you ask was the aggressor?

"Nice to see you, Demyx." He grunted, trying to pry the other boy's hands from his neck.  
"You too~! How are you? Feeling okay?"  
"He's fine Demyx," Vexen cut in. "How about you let us in the door before we both freeze to death."  
Demyx giggled at the comment made by the ex-ice element. "Didn't you use to like the cold?"  
"I don't mind it," He said as he walked into the door passing Zexion. "but **_he'll_ **get bitchy."  
"W-what was that?!" The dark haired boy shouted following the stoic male. "Jerk."  
Vexen chuckled and gave Demyx a peak on the cheek. "How are you, dear?"  
"Pretty good. Your son's been whining about missing his daddy."  
"Has he now?" He smiled and started to walked towards the coach.

Well he did end up on the coach, just on his side with a child on top of him.  
"PAPA! YOU'RE HOME!!!"  
"Yes...indeed I am."

The boy...Zexion felt like he was strangely familiar.  
Then it hit him.

It was Repiku! The replica of Riku Vexen had made. Wasn't he destory by Riku himself? Why was he here?

As if nothing could get weirder, Zexion noticed a young blonde girl step into the room, smiling softly to herself.  
While Vexen talked quietly with Repiku, Namine smiled at him. He stared at her in surprise. Wasn't she gone too?  
What the hell was going on?

"I missed you, Papa~!"  
"I was only gone for a few hours..."  
"STILL!" He hugged tighter as Vexen sat up. He looked like he could be no more than four, maybe five.

Namine beamed when her eyes laid on Vexen and her brother. Slowly, she walked over to him and (somehow) managed to hug the older male without hitting Repiku.  
"Hi Daddy," She smiled as she threw her arms around his neck. "How was work?"  
"Ah, quite alright. Few upsets but nothing you need to concern yourself with, my dear." He embraced both children once more before letting go to stand up. He walked over to Demyx and Zexion.

Almost as if reading the ex-illusionist's mind, Demyx explained; "Oh. Vexen and I wanted children. So he cloned Namine and Repliku from the old DNA he stored from when we were Nobodies."  
Zexion nodded. Much like Aeleus and Ienzo; Even and Myde carried their friendship after they were changed. Soon after a while, the two became lovers.  
When Repiku was made, Demyx treated the boy as if he were a son. Namine soon became one of Vexen's few affections. Xigbar often joked, saying they were the perfect family.  
And in a way, he was right.

"Zexion, why aren't you with Lexy?" Repiku asked.  
_**Stab. **_Zexion looked away from the child. He must of known little about the final days...the day he told Lexaus to...  
"Aren't you two friends? Are you fighting?"  
"Repiku." Vexen said sternly. "Stop."  
The boy looked to his father with wide eyes, sadden that he was yelled at when he hadn't said anything wrong. "O-okay.

"Well, it's almost dinner time." Demyx smiled, as if nothing happened. "Since Vexy and Zexy are here, how 'bout we celebrate."  
"Celebrate?" Zexion looked disgusted. What could the idiot have in plan? "By what means? And why even bother?"  
"Going out." Demyx smiled. "And because it's been awhile since I saw you last."  
"Ah. Wonderful idea, dear." Vexen leaned over and kissed his cheek. Demyx giggled in response.  
"Yay!" Repiku cried, forgetting that just moments ago he was yelled at. "You hear that Namine!"  
She smiled. "Let's go get ready." Namine took her brother's hand. They disappeared up the stairs.

"I'll pay you back." Zexion told his friends.  
"Don't worry, Zexy." Demyx smiled. "Right Vexy?"  
"Correct." Vexen wrapped his arm around his waist, pulling him closer. "However...I doubt you can go out looking like that."  
Zexion looked down at his old robe and frowned at him. "EXCUSE ME! I didn't know it bothered you, _Marluxia._"  
Vexen slapped him lightly upside the head. "Shut up, Ienzo."  
Demyx smiled. "You can wear some of my clothes until we go shopping."  
Zexion smiled. "Thanks guys."

Those two looked so happy. So god damn happy together.

_I wish I could be happy like that, _he thought sorely to himself as his smiled dimmed. _But my...my love isn't good enough for him.

* * *

_

So Demyx, out of all the places to go too, choices Applebee's.  
Fucking Applebee's.  
The one place Zexion can't stand Demyx wants to go.  
Oh well, at least he didn't have to pay the check.

The part that made it unbearable, was that every couple in the whole fucking world decided to come eat as well. Zexion felt his face hit the table.

"Is he okay?" Namine asked.  
"Papa is he dead?"  
"No, baby. Zexy's just being emo. Better off to let him sulk."  
Zexion mumbled something along the lines of "fuck you, Demyx".  
"Did he say that one word Uncle Xiggy says that I'm not supposed to say, Papa?"  
Vexen sighed. "Indeed. Ignore the poor thing. It's been...rough."

_Poor thing is damn right! FEEL SORRY FOR ME!!!  
_

Namine and Repiku were given those colorbooks some places give out to waste time. Namine was still a great artist. She drew a picture of Zexion with his head on the table.  
It was better than anything her poor brother drew.  
However, Vexen and Demyx acted as if it were a masterpiece. It made Zexion smile to see a soften look on Vexen. For years, he had been so cold, so angry...and Demyx came and melted right into his heart.

Zexion withdrew into his thoughts. Which wondered to the first date he ever had with Lexaus. He missed him so much... He missed the kisses, the words of encouragement, and...the sex.  
_**OH GOD,**_ he missed the sex.

Just the thought of him pounding into him made the boy shiver. He looked down and blushed. Hopefully, they'd go home so he...properly take of this...

* * *

Once back at the house, the children went to bed and Demyx showed Zexion his room.  
Making sure everyone was asleep, he looked his door and turned off the light. He managed to steal a towel from the bathroom, laying it on the bed.  
He didn't want anyone to know about this. If anyone found out, he wouldn't live it down.

He laid on the bed, flat on his back. He pulled his pants off, his checkered boxers naked to the world. Kicking them off, he lifted his shirt up a little. Pulling his boxers down, he gave a shuddered sigh.

He tried to imagine Lexaus above him, running his worn rough hands over his body.  
"L-lex..." Taking a hold of his member he began to pump himself slowly.  
His eyes closed, seeing his Silent Hero above him kissing the crook of his neck.

"I...I m-missed you..." Zexion ran his fingers through his friend's wild hair. "I...I want y-you."  
The male said nothing in return, expect for a low grunt in his throat. Eating at the pale skin, Lexaus reached down and held the boy's throbbing erection firmly.  
"I...I'm sorry. F-forgive m-me, Aeleus..."  
He began to stroke the head of Zexion's member, tensing it at first before pumping.  
"Aeleus..!" The boy threw his head back. "Fuck me! Please!"  
The older male wasted no time as he threw off his clothing.

He stopped and leaned back giving the boy an concern look. A normal look from him.  
"I don't care. I want you. Now." Zexion grabbed hold of Lexaus' cock and guided towards his entrance. With one slap of the older man's ass, he thrusted into the boy.  
**Oh God did it hurt.**

His face, a mixture of pure pain and pleasure, only made the other continue the heavy thrusting.  
"Lexaus..! Right there!"  
With a shift change in position, Lexaus had Zexion in that degrading position. The boy rested his head against the pillow to muffle the screams, his ass held still by two giant hands.  
"Lex..! I'm..!" He didn't know how much longer he could last.

With one last thrust, Zexion came, screaming his lover's name.

He opened his eyes to see nothing but black. He was still on his knees and his mess was all over the bed.  
He dis-guarded the towel and laid on his stomach. He sighed and smiled at the fantasy he just had. He'd clean the towel later. Right now he was exhausted.

Even without Lexaus being there; Zexion still could only masturbate to him and him alone.

_Funny, _he thought. _Just like Hester Pynne, it just a matter of anguish pay. _With that thought, he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

WOW.  
I totally fucked up that last line.  
Sorry. DX


End file.
